dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
