Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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