I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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