I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
