I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
