I'm lost and stupid without you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
