Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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