If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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