Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
