and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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