I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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