Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
