He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
