Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
