90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
