with your own penis?
More tranny stories later!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
