I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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