I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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