pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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