I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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