Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
