sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
