I think i peed on brittanys purse
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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