I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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