This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
