Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
