But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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