Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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