So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
