Whod you bang
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize