Moan for me like Helen Keller
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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