i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
