nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
