Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Found the puke drawer
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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