I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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