cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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