Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
