Michael Bay diarrhea
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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