I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
bring money and cleavage
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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