I will die if light touches me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
