Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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