I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
