ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I understand Curling. That high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
