shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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