Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
