The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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