wanna go halves on a baby?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
