woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
