Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
