i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
