The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
