i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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