does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
