I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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