some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Be still, my beating vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
