Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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