Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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