you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize