from now on my penis is your penis
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish my penis had a tongue
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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