I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
