About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
