I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
