she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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