sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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