I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
