At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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