On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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