Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
