Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
