you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
