i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
