Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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