just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
