Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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