Don't you send me to vm
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
