If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
