We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
