yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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