He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
