1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
