I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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