pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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