Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
