I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
