Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
