Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
