She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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