Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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