He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
