HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
