i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
