My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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