I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
